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| "Of course, man may hope contrary to all reason, and hope has its pleasures even when unreasonable. It may sustain him for a time; but it cannot survive the repeated disappointments of experience indefinitely." -Émile Durkheim
"The wise man, knowing how to enjoy achieved results without having constantly to replace them with others, finds in them an attachment to life in the hour of difficulty. But the man who has always pinned all his hopes on the future and lived with his eyes fixed upon it, has nothing in the past as a comfort against the present's afflictions, for the past was nothing to him but a series of hastily experienced stages. [...] Weariness alone, moreover, is enough to bring disillusionment, for he cannot in the end escape the futility of an endless pursuit." -Émile Durkheim
MY BUCKET LIST
-Finish writing this bucket list
-Rebuild an old car
-Visit an elephant graveyard
-Experience real, blissful, ridiculous love
-Survive the beginning of that love to see it through to the end of life
-Write a pop-up book
-Write descriptions for a catalog
-Sit in a tulip field in Scotland
-Go on a trip of all the major art museums in the world (Chicago, NYC, Louvre, etc.)
-Get or learn acupuncture
-Hold a patent
-Learn another language fluently
-Drive stick
-Experience urban exploration | | |
| Not easy to state the change you made.
If I'm alive now, then I was dead,
Though, like a stone, unbothered by it,
Staying put according to habit.
You didn't just toe me an inch, no--
Nor leave me to set my small bald eye
Skyward again, without hope, of course,
Of apprehending blueness, or stars.
That wasn't it. I slept, say: a snake
Masked among black rocks as a black rock
In the white hiatus of winter--
Like my neighbors, taking no pleasure
In the million perfectly-chiseled
Cheeks alighting each moment to melt
My cheek of basalt. They turned to tears,
Angels weeping over dull natures,
But didn't convince me. Those tears froze.
Each dead head had a visor of ice.
And I slept on like a bent finger.
The first thing I saw was sheer air
And the locked drops rising in a dew
Limpid as spirits. Many stones lay
Dense and expressionless round about.
I didn't know what to make of it.
I shone, mica-scaled, and unfolded
To pour myself out like a fluid
Among bird feet and the stems of plants.
I wasn't fooled. I knew you at once.
Tree and stone glittered, without shadows.
My finger-length grew lucent as glass.
I started to bud like a March twig:
An arm and a leg, an arm, a leg.
From stone to cloud, so I ascended.
Now I resemble a sort of god
Floating through the air in my soul-shift
Pure as a pane of ice. It's a gift. | | |
| SYSTEM:
Attempting to connect you with an operator...
SYSTEM:
Albert has entered the conversation.
Albert:
All Three, Hassle Free from Time Warner Cable! A great new package that combines Digital Cable, High Speed Internet and Digital Phone.
Albert:
Hello, very pleased to have you on chat today.
Albert:
How can I assist you today?
Me:
I'm moving into a new apartment on May 15, and I'll need to have access to the internet that day. If I sign up now for High Speed Online, will it be ready in time?
Albert:
Yes .
Albert:
Yes .
Albert:
May I have your name?
Me:
Carlyn
Albert:
CArlyn are you a new customer .
Me:
Yes.
Me:
Is there a way to schedule when the service starts? I don't want to pay for service I won't be able to use.
Albert:
I am happy to help you with that
Albert:
May I know what are the services currently you have with Time Warner Cable?
Me:
I don't currently have services with TWC.
Albert:
I am happy to help you with that
Albert:
In order to locate the best promotions in your area,May I please have the full address where you will be establishing service?
Me:
[My address]
Albert:
Thank you. Please hold one moment while I confirm services in your area.
Albert:
Thank you for your patience.
Albert:
Great news, special offers are available in your area! May I please call you to go over the details?
Albert:
May I please have the best number to reach you?
Me:
I'm sorry, I don't have a phone on my person at the moment. Its battery died and I've been without it all day.
Me:
I have High Speed Online in my shopping basket right now, and I just want to make sure that I can schedule when service will start before I click the "Continue" button to purchase service.
Albert:
You can give me any number where you could you be reached at your convenience .
Me:
Ok. I'll be reachable at [my number], but I don't know when I'll be near that phone.
Albert:
May I please have the convenient time to reach you?
Me:
I won't be home today until 10 pm, and tomorrow I am very busy and can't guarantee any convenient time.
Me:
Is there a way I can find out how to schedule service without a phone call?
Albert:
My specialist will assist you better on that , so shall let you have a calll after 10 pm.
Me:
I will be asleep after 10. I'll just call the TWC office tomorrow when I find a minute. Thanks anyway. | | |
| She had been feeling especially singular lately, even in a crowd of most of Her closest friends. As usual, there seemed to be no possibility of relief in any part of the future, and it was spells like this that had Her carefully cradling Her heart and doing Her best to sing it sad, sweet lullabies until it fell into a fretful sleep.
This was no soft lullaby. This was the slow crescendo of a distant lovers’ bell choir, and it landed on the ears of Her heart and gently tapped it awake. At first, Her heart smiled to hear the music. Soon, though, it was sufficiently awake to remember its surroundings and recognized the harmonies that swam through the air. The chords resonated with the frequency of Her heartstrings and shook them, softly insisting that Her heart sing its own song.
Her awakened heart replied to the music with its dense, swaying pulse in a futile attempt to convey the warm depth of its sadness. It made promises to the music, vows of dedication and eternal patience. It pled its case with barely-voiced whispers and downcast eyes, trying to obscure the tears that threaded down its face.
She felt Her heart whispering and turned Her gaze to it, a warm rain lightly pattering on Her soul. Tenderly, She asked its attention. She reassured it of the hope for the future and certain eternal delight. Once its tears had been reduced to hesitant sniffles, She sang it the lullabies it longed to hear until it drifted off to sleep. She continued to rock Her heart, cradling it soothingly so that it would stay asleep as long as possible. She didn’t know how many more of these sorrowful awakenings it would be able to handle, but there was little more She could do.
Still holding close Her slumbering heart, She gathered Herself and invested in another few hours of sleep. | | |
| Status: "ACS250 = Huge mega fail."
Friend 1: "I'm sorry, Self." (Friend 1 tends to agree with Self about the state of education in the country.)
Self: "So is the English language. It cries itself to sleep every night after reading the online posts for this class."
(Funny... or so Self thought.)
Friend 2: "Why do you complain so much? Friend 3 wants to know."
Self: "... Thanks for pointing out my character flaws?"
Friend 2: "[Apology (exact words lost upon deletion)]"
*Self deletes entire status and comment thread*
New Status: "THE WORLD IS PERFECT NO COMPLAINTS EVER [better?]"
Friend 3: "bout damn time"
Self: "I'm glad my status lives up to your standard."
Now, I don't get angry. Almost ever. Maybe I do complain too much... I'll try to pay attention to that a bit more. But my status is primarily meant for my friends, so that I can update them on how I am doing and what I am thinking. What I am thinking is sometimes that the American education system is failing a vast number of its students by not teaching them proper English. Sometimes I post that as my status.
I don't know Friend 3 almost at all. Maybe he is trying to be funny, though he has an odd way of going about it. The rational side of me is giving him the benefit of the doubt--in any case, there is nothing I would do differently if I didn't let it slide. It's not like "unfriending" him would be a huge punishment, and that's the best ammo I've got.
Friend 3 barely knows me, either. What he does know is pretty much exclusively from Facebook, which, in our culture, is apparently a substitute for personal relationships in many ways. Our profiles can be customized so as to reflect us personally, which can be a great way to begin getting to know someone. But what immediately results from this cannot be validly termed a personal relationship.
My statuses do not lend anyone insight to the inner workings of my mind. To get to know me, please get to know me. Please do not assume you are making educated evaluations about my character based upon a ten-syllable statement of my momentary thoughts.
I understand that Facebook is an open forum and that anyone is free to post his opinion. That's fine. Comment on my status all you like. That's what the "Comment" box is for. I update my status for the (minimal, if existent) benefit of those close to me, and everyone who sees it is of course free to tell everyone else what he thinks.
If you choose to attack my character, though, please find a better place. That was mighty rude. | | |
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